Confidence.

Confidence is something that I struggle with a lot sometimes, and a lot of people around me wouldn't know it. It has always been very important to me that I appear strong even when I am not feeling so strong, because in many ways I have an unhealthy pride about appearances, don't know where I got that from, which really gets me uptight sometimes. I write for the fun but I also have a comfort zone that I have trouble getting out of sometimes, and I did it last week. I write a Naruto fanfiction which a lot of people laugh at me for, and I used to struggle with that until I realized something: I had fun writing it, in many ways I am proud of what I had created, and other people really don't matter. No matter how great of a writer you are, a lot of people won't like your work, and as I've matured ever so slightly, I've accepted that. Back on point, I wrote this very long battle scene between two characters that lasted several pages and that is a kind of situation I don't often write about, and I was feeling oh so nervous about it. But so far, everyone who has read it says it is very enjoyable and it makes me think about how confidence is earned. I think nervousness is a state of mind where I thrive, I have a finer eye for the details and a refusal to accept failure from myself. It makes me think sometimes if I would be better off revealing more of myself, how vulnerable I feel, and if perhaps by doing so I'd thrive in situations outside of writing. Just a stray thought that passed my mind.